Now is the winter of my discontent, apparently.
I’m having to take a break.
You know that whole: “If you don’t make time for breaks, you’re body will most assuredly make that time for you”? Well, that is what seems to be happening. For me, January was just falling off a horse repeatedly until I eventually acknowledged something was up.
I began writing Our Own Way 7, got two chapters in, and just…had to stop. It’s hard to describe why, but it basically didn’t feel right. As a result, I’ve decided to take a half-month on February. Not in that I’m going to take half of February off, but that I’m going to be putting in half-days throughout February. What this practically means is that I’m setting aside Our Own Way 7, and I’m also not picking up Primal Love II. If I was smart, I’d just take the month off completely and commit to doing nothing related to writing, but I…can’t.
I guess, don’t expect anything for this month? Sorry. Believe me, I’m not happy about this. It’s kind of sad, but one of my biggest fantasies, throughout my entire life, has been to be able to just fucking…work, and not suffer while working. Just write, and be able to keep writing, and it just feels great, or at least tolerable, consistently, day to day. In my wildest dreams, I’m able to operate like John Romero and John Carmack, making Wolfenstein 3D and DOOM back in the early ‘90s. They would just throw on heavy metal and fucking code for fifteen hours straight, back to back days. It’s all they did because it was all they wanted to do. And it’s like, I want to write, but some core part of my brain doesn’t want to at least half the time. A solid 10 - 25% of the time, it’s like “I’d rather fucking DIE than write!”.
Obviously, this means the timeline I set up at the beginning of the year is completely blown. Which is particularly galling. At this point I just feel like a kid explaining why they couldn’t do it right for the tenth time.
It’s part of the reason why I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that yes, we are, in fact, dead and in Hell. Or I am, at least.
Anyway, um, I’ll be back in March. Sorry again.